Where Did You See Grace Today?

16 Apr

Theologically speaking, Grace is unearned love, undeserved mercy. We receive it not because of who we are, but because of who God is. In fact, we CANNOT earn it. It’s given. If you have to earn it, then it’s not Grace. It’s something else. See how that works?

On trips, when I was still a youth minister, I used to sometimes give the kids homework. They were required to notice at least one act of Grace that occurred during the day with the understanding that in the evening I would ask the question, “Where did you see Grace today?”

The answers always varied from the simple to the profound: I was still hungry and so-in-so let me have half of their sandwich; I fell down and a stranger helped me up; The homeless man I sat next to at the soup kitchen wanted me to have his cookie; Some lady let me go first in line; A random boy stopped what he was doing to help me find the first aid station; I’ve never really had any friends, and I didn’t want to come on this trip, but you guys took me in and loved me anyway.

The closing lines of the movie Love Actually are, “It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there . . . When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”

Grace is like that, too. It’s all around, but it’s definitely not newsworthy, especially in our 24-hour-news driven society where sex, violence, and fear are what sell. When we buy into that vision of the world, we begin to see it through fear and hate colored glasses, which is why I liked to challenge the kids in my youth group to look at the world differently.

Is there great evil in the world? Yes. Are there people in the world who would plant bombs at the finish line of the Boston Marathon? Yes. But there are also people in the world who go unnoticed, committing countless acts of Grace everyday, and I would hypothesize — perhaps naively — that those ordinary, unsung saints far outnumber the hate mongers.

Whenever a tragedy of the magnitude of the Boston Marathon bombing occurs, stories of Grace always trickle out of the confusion alongside the tales of horror and grief: A jacket given away to a person in shock, cell phones passed through a crowd so that loved ones might be contacted, first responders running toward danger, money given away freely to help people get home or to a hospital, hands clasped, shoulders gently touched, hugs given . . . all acts of Grace exchanged between perfect strangers; all acts of unearned love.

Destruction is easy and immediate. It’s the work of a moment — the pulling of a trigger, the detonating of a bomb, the striking of a match . . . It’s loud. It’s flashy. It’s sexy. It’s larger than life. It feels like power. But the work of Grace is much harder. It’s not immediate, and it takes finesse, creativity, agonizing vulnerability, and patience. The work of Grace is a trillion little moments stacked up patiently and quietly over a lifetime. Which of the two takes more strength?

I will say it again because it can’t be said too much, it is my belief that despite all evidence to the contrary, those involved in the work of Grace far outnumber those involved in the work of destruction.

Where did you see Grace today?

I dedicate this post to my dear friend, Mary Gray Swan, who passed away very unexpectedly this past Thursday, April 11, 2013. To know Mary was to know Grace. She is one of my “balcony people.” Those are the people who sit in the church balcony of your life, right where they can make eye contact with you. They cheer you on and encourage you to be you with all of the strength and honesty you possess. Mary was a “balcony person” and a Grace-maker for a great many people, but as far as I know, she was never featured on CNN.

Mary dedicated her life to educating children, and in lieu of flowers her family is asking that people donate books to children.

So yeah, there is great evil in the world. It’s real, and it sucks. But you know what you can do to fight back? Go out and buy a book in honor of Mary, for a kid who needs it. It’s not as big and immediate an act as setting off a bomb, but a million moments of Grace stacked up over a lifetime by millions of people are far more reaching and far more lasting.

photo

When I asked my friend Charles Swan (Mary’s son) to send me a favorite picture of his mother, this is the one he sent. It was taken while she was doing her student teaching, and I think it speaks to the longevity and simplicity of Grace. The kids in the picture have long since grown up, but this image captures a moment when they were enveloped by love. It gives me goosebumps to wonder what they took from this moment into the rest of their lives, and what ways they in turn became bearers of Grace.

We are the Mess-Makers

9 Apr

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Rev. Kim Olson has been blessed to serve in many different places among a wonderful variety of faithful people during almost 20 years of ministry.  She served as the Associate Pastor of Seven Oaks Presbyterian Church in Columbia, SC, Pastor of the Batesburg-Leesville Presbyterian Church in B-L, SC, Chaplain of the Presbyterian Home retirement community in Clinton, SC, Campus Pastor of the Thornwell Home for Children in Clinton, SC, and Interim Pastor of 3 congregations in the Indianapolis area.  She and her husband, Dr. Richard Baker, have three children (20, 16, and almost 10), one dog, one cat, and several fish. Kim, therefore, encounters (and makes) messes regularly and has finally given up the delusion that one day her house or her life will be mess-free.  

Willy Wonka isn’t the only person to quote poet Arthur O’Shaughnessy’s words “We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.” Yet between Gene Wilder’s shape-shifting hair and Varuca Salt’s insistence that no one has ever heard of a snozzberry, Wonka owns those lines and really communicates their power.  Or not.  Depends how you feel about Oompa Loompas. Either way, my point is that while I WANT to nod in knowing agreement whenever I hear those words, they aren’t true.  Or they are true only after something else is true (to borrow Frederick Buechner’s notion that the Gospel is bad news before it is good news, tragedy before comedy).1  The “before” truth (and often the more obvious truth) is that, instead of music-makers or dream-weavers, we are, alas, mess-makers.

Making messes comes more easily than we’d care to admit.  Meanwhile music and dreams often elude us.  Case in point:  In order to appreciate Wonka’s words, we would have to ignore the fact that he’s squeezing young Varuca’s cheeks while he says them—unintended evidence that his words aren’t true (and that I’m right!).  We’re messy creatures who can’t even wax poetic without demeaning someone else (yes I KNOW she’s a bad egg, but that’s beside the point. Or that is the point).  We (all of us) are the mess-makers.  It’s not who we’re created to be.  But it’s the reality we live in most often.

Another case in point:  My college-age daughter’s boyfriend accidentally ran into her car with his car.  It requires a diagram to fully explain but basically there was a u-turn involved and an assumption that if you were following me before you must be following me now.  It was several minutes into the post-accident phone call before I understood that BOTH cars were damaged.  I didn’t know it until then, but apparently I’m a firm believer that no matter how many cars are on the side of the road waiting to be towed, “I’m just glad you’re both okay” is still the right response.  You may bang your head against the refrigerator as you imagine the bill from the body shop, but the words that you speak should be words of gratitude.  If you’ve ever prayed for God to comfort the family of a student who couldn’t make that phone call or watched teenagers place flowers and stuffed animals near an uprooted tree on a rural road, then you know that hearing her voice say “BOTH cars are messed up” is a gift.

But when the boyfriend called home, there was no “I’m just glad  . . .”   Instead, his mother assured him that he would pay for both cars out of his own pocket.  She made sure he understood that it was HIS mess to clean up.  And he heard her, loud and clear.

We are the mess-makers.  We really are.

I’d like to give myself points for doing better than she did following the “his and hers” car accident.  Except this morning I yelled at my 9 year old son for getting peanut butter on his jacket and having terrible aim in the bathroom.  At least her son will have something substantive to talk about in therapy.  Mine will be there because he peed wrong.

Which brings me to another case in point: Last spring, on my son’s last day of 3rd grade (which included a class party with snacks and plenty of Capri Sun), he wet his pants on the bus ride home.  He’d never done that before so he was as surprised as anyone that it happened.  It was bad enough that some mean 4th grader said he was going home to tweet about how “that kid just peed his pants on the bus” (#oompaloompashatemeanchildren) but the bus driver’s lack of compassion made a difficult, embarrassing situation even worse.  The bus driver simply couldn’t wrap his brain around the fact that a 3rd grader would lose control of his bladder and make that kind of mess on HIS bus that HE HAD ALREADY CLEANED and would now have to clean again. So the bus driver told my son that if he was going to do that kind of thing, he shouldn’t ride the bus anymore.  Yep.  He tried to ban him and his little 3rd grade bladder from the bus.  To their credit, the bus supervisor folks handled the incident incredibly well.  But the damage was done.  My son refuses to ride the bus ever again.

Why is it that in the face of someone else’s mess, grace often eludes us?  I think most of the time it’s because we can barely handle our own messes let alone the ones he or she or they made that WE’LL be expected to clean up.  YOU need to keep your house in order and YOUR stuff together so MY life won’t get any harder or messier than it already is (otherwise people might find out I’m a mess or, worse, I might have to admit it to myself).

On Christmas Eve I worshiped at a beautiful church where great care had been taken to ensure everything was in its place.  The red and white poinsettias were arranged in perfect symmetry.  The two trees, decorated only with lights, created a warm glow on both sides of the chancel.  The service was carefully scripted.  The sermon was well-practiced.  The hymns were just right and the chancel choir’s anthems—all in Latin—or was it German?—were flawless.

Yet my heart longed for something else.  I wanted slightly tattered chrismons hung on a tree by little kids so there would be more around the bottom than near the top. I wanted the flowers to break out of formation and refuse to stay with their own kind.  In my mind, I begged for a change in the preacher’s cadence and for the liturgists to say something unexpected.  I even hoped the choir would struggle with just one anthem (maybe because the sopranos all had colds or the best alto left for Florida early this year).  But none of that happened.  The service went exactly as planned.

It’s possible I have control issues. Or maybe beauty is wasted on me.  Or I’m threatened by perfection.  But while I’ve been a little miffed at Henri Nouwen lately for his insistence that God is the answer to our loneliness NOT other people (#extrovertsagainstnouwen), I know he’s right that we have to acknowledge the desert of our loneliness before it can become a garden of solitude with God, that we can’t move toward wholeness without examining our brokenness, that we have to name our hostility if we ever hope to offer healing hospitality, that we must admit our delusion that we are in control before we can turn our lives over to God through prayer.2  In other words, we have to know and admit we are mess-makers if we are ever to be open to God’s dreams for us and to the music of the Holy Spirit working in our lives.  God, in Christ, came to dwell with us in the reality of our very messy lives and world.  So is it so wrong for me to want Christmas Eve worship to provide just a hint, just a small sign that we get that?  That we know God doesn’t expect us to get all cleaned up and perfect on our own before he would dare hang out with us or allow us to ride his bus?

It’s Lent now.  What with the ashes at the beginning and Jesus’ arrest and crucifixion at the end, worship is bound to be more “mess-friendly or “mess-honest.”  There’s no pressure to make the sanctuary pretty or festive during Lent or to sing Easter songs before Easter actually arrives.  It’s all minor keys and penitence.  It’s the mess-maker’s time of year.  And yet I find myself a little worried about Easter Sunday.  I’m all about Christus Victor and Thine is the Glory and trumpets and banners and lilies and the Hallelujah Chorus.  I am.  Yet I find myself hoping for a Sunday that might include the organist risking unemployment by moving the lilies FAR from the organ (darn allergies!), at least one little girl with grass stains all over her new white tights, and perhaps even tears in the eyes of those who know too well the painful reality of “he is not here” and pause there to grieve awhile.

Because even on our most triumphant, holy day, church should be a place where we can bring the mess of our lives and, instead of hiding it, present it honestly to the One who formed us and knows us and cleans us up and makes us whole.  Only then can we look upon someone else’s mess and respond with careful, creative grace, like the music-makers and dreamers of dreams we are created and called and raised (with him!) to be.

1 Frederick Buechner, Telling the Truth: The Gospel as Tragedy, Comedy, and Fairy Tale

2 Henri J. M. Nouwen, Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life

Prophetic Speech against Rape Culture

4 Apr

20130403-221858.jpg Anna George graduated from Presbyterian College in 2011 with a degree in Religion and Christian Education. Currently, she is a second year Masters of Divinity student at Union Presbyterian Seminary of Richmond, and she works as a part-time youth minister at Second Presbyterian Church of Richmond. Anna has a passion for life in the church. She particularly loves writing liturgy, preaching, and walking alongside friends and neighbors on a path towards social justice.

About this piece: I wrote this piece as a part of my Old Testament class this spring, during our study on the prophets. We were invited to write a “modern day prophecy” employing the style of one or more of the prophets in the Hebrew Bible. I chose to model my prophecy after Amos–the fiery social outcast who spoke truth to power and foretold the coming Day of the Lord. When I saw CNN’s coverage of the Steubenville rapes, I knew exactly what message God would send through a modern-day, feminist Amos.

The words of Anna, who is among the women of the States, which she heard some time before the coming end of rape culture.

Great injustice rolls over the landscapes of our nation,
the landscapes of our world,
the landscapes of female bodies,
and the people of God are silent.

Women are raped, beaten, dehumanized. Turned from humans to objects—objects without rights; objects whose “no” means nothing, whose silence means “yes.” The Lord has heard the voices of women abused, and the Lord has heard your screaming silence. The Lord has heard their cries for help, and the Lord has heard your refusal to respond.

I despise your culture—your video games where even virtual women are raped, your action movies, which are not complete without a rape scene, your comedians whose punch line is rape. I spit upon your news media, which repeatedly blames rape upon victims.

“She put herself in a high-risk situation.”

“Witnesses say that alcohol was involved.”

“Reports say the alleged victim was dressed promiscuously.”

Thus says the Lord: A short skirt is not an invitation, and alcohol is not an excuse.

The Lord has seen CNN’s interview with the families of the Steubenville rapists—the ones with such “promising” futures, the ones whose lives were “ruined” by the guilty verdict. The Lord noticed that you grieved with the families of the rapists and tried not to think about the victim.

Court records show the text messages from the night of the rape.

“How dead is she?”

Thus says the Lord: “How dead” should never be a question. Silence should never be an answer.

Do you not see the injustice, O people of God! Do you not hear the voices crying out?

Every two minutes, a woman in the US is raped.

Do you not hear her screams?

97% of rapists will never spend a night in jail.

Do you not hear your own deafening silence?

Your culture glorifies rape and, yet, simultaneously avoids talking about it. When men fight to stop rape, you murder them. When women speak out against rape, you silence them. When a victim speaks out, you threaten her life. Your politicians try to avoid the subject of rape, to question the “legitimacy” of pregnancy by rape. Thus says the Lord: Women are not an “issue” to be debated and voted upon. Women are people to be respected and loved.

How long will you be silent, O people of God? How long will you ignore the voices of victims? How long will you ignore the voice of the Lord?
The Day is surely coming when women will be valued for their humanity, not their bodies. The Day is coming when we will not need to tell our daughters to arm themselves with mace or to take self-defense classes. The Day is surely coming when the deafening silence will become deafening shouts for justice.

God has heard the cries of the victims. God has heard our silence.

Braggy side note from Neely: I was Anna’s youth minister, although she was already a senior in high school and the moderator of the presbytery youth council the year I was hired at her church. In 2010 Anna and I led recreation together for the Montreat Youth Conference, “In These Waters.” Her superior organizational skills, knowledge of that great Montreat Place O Mystery known as the “Cloffice”, and all round awesomeness carried my artsy-fartsy-hot-mess-of-disorganization-and-chaos butt through that experience. I have always thought of her as a colleague. and I taught her everything she knows.

Eve Retold

26 Mar

At its heart most theology, like most fiction, is essentially autobiography. Aquinas, Calvin, Barth, Tillich, working out their systems in their own ways and in their own language, are all telling us the stories of their lives, and if you press them far enough, even at their most cerebral and forbidding, you find an experience of flesh and blood, a human face smiling or frowning or weeping or covering its eyes before something that happened once” – Frederick Buechner

In the beginning . . . there was Eve, the first rule breaker. I like Eve a lot. I like that she broke the rules. She’s a woman after my own heart, or I’m a woman after her own heart, I guess.

The story opens with man being formed from the dust of the ground starting at Genesis 2:7, but the Hebrew word used in the original text is adam (aw-dawm), a generic word for human being. The text reads along the lines of, the adam is taken from the adamah, or ground, soil, earth. To restate it: The earthling is taken from the earth. The adam, at this point, is without sexuality. The adam is simply a being.

God decides that it is not good for the being to be alone. . . .

In her book, A Year of Biblical Womanhood, Rachel Held Evans quotes an e-mail she received from her friend Ahava, an Orthodox Jew living in Jerusalem. In the e-mail, Ahava has this to say:

For the record, in Bereshit (Genesis by you) where it talks about the “helpmeet,” the Hebrew is not just Ezer, but Ezer k’gnedo, which means “the help that opposes.” The Rabbis explain this term like two posts of equal weight leaned against one another. They stand because of equal force.

And so God causes a deep sleep to come over the being and takes from the being a rib, which God makes into ishshah or woman. Then the adam wakes up and says, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Ishshah, for out of Ish (man), this one was taken.” (Gen 2:23)

This is the first time in the story that the word ish or man is used. It is the first time the being identifies with a specific gender. The adam is generic until Ishshah arrives on the scene. It is only in relation to Ishshah that the being becomes Ish. It is the birth of sexuality.

The adam is created first, followed by the creation of everything else, and the very last thing that God creates is the Ishshah. The Ishshah coming last in the creation order is significant because Hebrew literature tends to bookend the most important elements of a story. So, the Ishshah is created last, not because she is second to the adam, but rather to give her a place of honor in the story.

Next a serpent comes along, and has a conversation with the Ishshah about eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, which God has told the Ish and the Ishshah not to eat from or they will die.

The serpent, in a classic portrayal of temptation, speaks the truth but deceives by means of it. The serpent makes three points: (1) you will not die; (2) your eyes will be opened; (3) you will be like God. (Irene Nowell, Women in the Old Testament, pg. 136)

The Ishshah deliberates a bit, but ultimately what happens is this:

“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate.” (Gen 3:6)

Wise. The Hebrew word used in the original text of Genesis 3:6 is sakal (saw-kal) meaning to become prudent or intelligent, and that is Eve’s ultimate temptation. Sakal, it’s why she eats the fruit. . . .

The word sakal is also used in the opening verses of Proverbs, which introduce Woman Wisdom, Chokmah in Hebrew, Sophia in Greek. Woman Wisdom is the personification of God’s wisdom. Irene Nowell says,

In Proverbs 8: 30-31 Woman Wisdom sings a hymn describing her origins and her relationship to God and to human beings. She is God’s firstborn, begotten before creation, brought to birth before earth and sea. She was not only present when God created space and time and every creature, she was God’s architect, the designer of God’s creation. Through her all things were created.

The final verses of this section (8:30-31) capture the reason for her great worth. She is the bridge between God and human beings. Two key words illustrate this function: “delight” and “play.” She plays before God; she plays on the earth. She lives in both worlds: God’s and humanity’s. Her signature, the way she can be recognized, is in play and delight. Through these two characteristics she joins God with humankind. Because of this function, all good things come through her. (pgs. 138-139)

Proverbs 3:18 says of Woman Wisdom, “She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called happy.”

Eve eats in pursuit of sakal, wisdom, and life. Irene Nowell also notes,

It has been suggested that had the two humans remained in the garden they would have been immortal, but as a consequence would also have had no children. It is death that makes children necessary and, considering the limitations of space, even possible. Compare Genesis 1:28 in which there is no assumption that humans are immortal and thus their fertility is recognized as a blessing and a share in God’s creative power. (pg. 137)

Yes, the Ishshah loses “life” in a sense because she loses immortality, but she also gains life. Genesis 3:20 says, “The man named his wife Eve, because she was the mother of all living.” In Hebrew the name that the man gives his wife is Chavvah (Khav-vaw) or Lifegiver. And I think it’s interesting to note that while Chavvah is given a name, Ish is never given a name beyond the generic Being.

To me it’s poignant that this Chavvah — Lifegiver — goes in pursuit of Wisdom, the architect of creation, and in so doing she must leave the garden. She must go out into the world. By eating of the fruit offered to her by the serpent, Chavvah flings open the doors of existence. Will there be pain, sorrow, and loss involved? Yes. But there will also be joy and love that would not have come into being without her bold decision. Chavvah, the first rule breaker, chooses life in all of its vulnerability and messiness.

I have come to know God, in many ways, as Proverbs describes Woman Wisdom, playful, and rather mischievous, I think. I suspect that the presence in the garden of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil may, perhaps, have been part of the Architect’s grand design all along. What else would the God of Creation expect of Lifegiver, but that she would choose prudence?

Feminism, Steubenville, and the Judeo-Christian Paradigm

19 Mar

For centuries, the figure of Eve has been a subject of great interest in Western art, literature, and philosophy. Upon her naked body man has projected his most visceral fears and desires concerning woman, so she is presented as both seductress and mother, noble savage and domesticator, deceiver and the deceived. The Portal of the Virgin at Notre Dame Cathedral includes a stone temptation scene in which the crafty serpent bears the breasts and face of a woman, nearly a mirror image of Eve. This motif repeats itself in medieval iconography, betraying the commonly held view that woman alone was the source of original sin, Eve a sort of biblical Pandora who cracked open the box and brought perpetual shame upon her sex.

“You are the devil’s gateway,” the theologian Tertullian told Christian women. “Do you not know that you are each an Eve?” The sentence of God on your sex lives on in this age; the guilt, lives on too.”

What we read into the Creation narrative often says as much about us as it says about the text. And for women emerging from the Judeo-Christian tradition, the vilification of Eve has been disastrous. A passage that might challenge readers to aspire to the love and mutuality of Paradise has instead been used for centuries to justify the perpetuation of the curse by forcing women into subordination, with theologians from the apostle Paul to Martin Luther noting somewhat begrudgingly that women are nonetheless necessary for procreation.

And so, at least symbolically, the blood of Eve courses through each one of her daughter’s veins. We are each associated with life; each subject to the impossible expectations and cruel projections of men; each fallen, blamed, and misunderstood; and each stubbornly vital to the process of bringing something new — perhaps something better — into this world.

In a sense, Tertullian was right. We are each an Eve. – Rachel Held Evans, A Year of Biblical Womanhood

It was a sunny spring day, the day that I became a feminist. I was in the seventh grade and was hanging out with my friends outside of school during our lunch period. We were a coed group of jostling, self-conscious, thirteen-year-olds just beginning to explore our sexuality. Like any self-respecting coed group of middle schoolers we were flirting in that painfully, awkward way that middle schoolers do. We were trying on identities to see which one stuck, and at the moment my friend Julie was playing the part of the dumb blond, although that wasn’t who she was in actuality. She was being giggly and flirtatious in a ditsy, come-hither way, and it was earning her a lot of attention from the boys in our group, who were playing along with the act.

I was standing on the outskirts, leaning against a warm, sun-baked, brick wall . . . watching. Julie was literally the center of attention, a small circle of boys surrounding her. And then it happened. One of the boys in the circle turned to me and asked me a question. I can’t remember what he asked, but I remember the tone he used. He was talking down to me, treating me as if I were stupid. And why not? It was the game Julie was playing.

This was a major crossroads in my life. It was almost as if time stopped, and I was being given a strange suspended moment of clarity about what was actually happening. This boy — whoever he was, I can’t remember now — was issuing me an invitation. He held it out to me like the crafty serpent offering forbidden fruit. I was being invited into the circle, and all I had to do was play dumb. . . .

For a kid like me who never really fit in, and yearned for belonging in an almost visceral way, it was an incredibly seductive invitation. And I confess, there in that suspended moment where time had stopped, I seriously considered taking that boy’s hand and walking into the center of that circle. But I knew even then, at the age of thirteen, there was a price to pay, and that price was my soul. That’s what it felt like, anyway. This was the moment where I would decide whether I was going to allow myself to be shaped into an object that existed for the gratification of men, or chose to be myself. There was much to be gained by stepping into that circle: A false sense of belonging, but belonging none the less.

Still, something like, “Hell, no!” went through my mind. I shot up erect from where I had been slouching against the brick wall and said something biting to the boy.

“Bitch,” he said and turned back to Julie who continued to practice her fake-ditsy, come hither looks. She was a much more appealing package than an angry, newborn feminist. Together they made up an archetype easily and comfortably slipped into like a pair of well-worn jeans.

Later that year, I was cornered at a school dance by two boys who mockingly asked me to dance. (I was mocked a lot in middle school for not being what I was supposed to be, particularly by boys. Particularly by “the popular” boys.) When I said no, sensing that I was about to be the butt of some joke, one of them grabbed me and held me in place while the other pulled his thin cotton shorts tight to reveal his erect penis. Then he ran it down both of my bare legs as he gyrated, striptease style to the music like he was giving me a lap dance. It lasted no more than two minutes, and for them it was a lark of masculinity, done perhaps to put me in my place. Boys will be boys, you know. But I felt used and dirty and would be recounting the incident to my therapist years later. . . .

My sophomore year of high school I was on an auditorium AV crew for a youth conference in Colorado. My crew mates and I communicated with each other over head sets. It was a lot of fun, but we had been working hard, putting in fourteen to sixteen hour days, and not getting much sleep. There was a lot of slaphappy banter and joking around that went on over the headsets, and it was during one such round of merriment that out of the blue another member of the team, a guy, made a comment about my breasts for everyone to hear. I remember distinctly the icy wash of immediate shame, and what it felt like to go from being an equal and valued part of a team, a human being with God-given gifts and talents, to a sexualized object. I felt about an inch tall, and I wanted to hide.

Then my brain went into hyperdrive, wracking itself to try to figure out what I had done to cause this situation. Surely it was my fault. Had I been too flirtatious? Were my clothes too revealing? Something. I must have done something.

Luckily, I was raised by parents whose vocation was working with abused, abandoned, and neglected kids. And actually, I mostly credit my father with raising me a feminist, which he did with great intentionality. It’s not that my mother didn’t have a hand in that, but my father is more of what you might call . . . an angry feminist, which is funny since he’s 1) a man and 2) a man who spent his career in the South working for the church. So, I had good stuff to pull from as I sat there blaming myself for the shame I was feeling.

My dad will tell you that no kid wants to be removed from his/her home no matter how bad the abuse is. Every kid wants to be with their parents. So they rationalize the abuse by blaming it on themselves: If I were better behaved, my mom wouldn’t hit me; If I was better about doing my chores, my dad wouldn’t drink; If I hadn’t provoked her, my mom wouldn’t have burned me with her cigarette; If I’d kept my door locked, my dad wouldn’t have molested me. It’s my fault. It’s my fault. It’s my fault. On a side note, when I was just out of college and volunteering on a rape crisis hotline at a battered women’s shelter, I found the same thing and learned that blaming oneself for abuse is something particularly ingrained in women.

As I sat in the auditorium with my crew mate’s comments ringing in my ears, I realized what was happening. It was sexual harassment pure and simple, and in one swift second it had utterly robbed me of dignity.

I was standing at another crossroads. I could choose to let it slide, or I could take back my dignity. In the calmest voice that I could muster, I said over my head set, “Don’t ever talk about my breasts or any other part of my body again. Do you understand?” There was silence on the line and then he said, “Yes.”

In the church, feminism remains, largely, an ugly word. A lot of Christian women won’t claim it, in fact many think it’s antithetical to Christianity. So, it’s important to me for people, young women in particular, to hear me call myself a feminist, and I think perhaps it might be time for me to begin blogging about some of the Biblical stories as interpreted through feminist theology. As Rachel Held Evans says in her book, A Year of Biblical Womanhood, “For women emerging from the Judeo-Christian tradition, the vilification of Eve has been disastrous.” Tragically, there is a connection between the culture that patriarchal interpretations of the Bible have helped to create, and the misogynistic slings and arrows that women endure daily. It’s an Eve as temptress, responsible for the downfall of man, mentality. It’s so ingrained in us that even women nod and say, “yes, yes it was my fault”, or point at other women to denounce them as sluts and whores.

I’ve been watching this play out in the recent rape case in Steubenville, Ohio where two high school boys were convicted of sexually assaulting, multiple times, an unconscious sixteen-year-old girl. They took her body to several parties where witnesses saw what they were doing. Some witnesses even participated by taking pictures and videos and tweeting about what was happening. So, there were a whole lot of teenagers standing around doing absolutely nothing while this girl was assaulted. Not only doing nothing, but documenting it through social media. One of the boys convicted even took pictures of her naked body (which they had undressed) and circulated them among the teenagers of Steubenville. Yet both boys claim they didn’t realize there was anything wrong with what they were doing at the time. They didn’t realize it was rape.

Obviously this is not a new story, it’s one we’ve seen played out again and again and again throughout history. In fact, this particular case actually reminded me of something similar that happened to a friend in high school, but was never reported. We see this story reflected in political discussions about what constitutes rape. We see it when we hear a politician say, “It seems to me, from what I understand from doctors, that’s [being impregnated by a rapist] really rare. If it’s legitimate rape, the female body has ways to shut that whole thing down.”

Rape, sexual assault, and harassment happen with alarming frequency. Most of it goes unreported and unnoticed. The victim goes through that age old litany: My clothes were too revealing; I shouldn’t have been drinking; I shouldn’t have provoked him . . . And society with its culture of rape goes right along with it: She was drinking; Well, she was always kind of slutty anyway; She shouldn’t have been wearing that revealing top; She shouldn’t have been walking in that place . . . Woman is always responsible for the fall of mankind it seems.

It’s the “Virginal Nice Girls” myth of Christianity, which is that if you are female and have had sex or engaged in sexual activity before marriage, you’re not a “nice girl” you’re not “pure”, therefore you are damaged goods, sister. Sullied. Less than. If you’re not a “nice girl” well . . . then . . . you might be “asking for it”. The weight of this wretched purity is placed entirely on the female.

This is what we’re seeing in the conversations surrounding the Steubenville case. People are mourning the tragic fate of these two promising young men who got a whopping three years of jail time between them, while brushing aside the victim who is being called a slut and a whore, and receiving death threats. Several times now on social media I’ve seen the phrase “lady like” used. As in, if the victim had only been engaging in “lady like” behavior instead of drinking, those poor boys wouldn’t have been tempted to drag her unconscious body from party to party sexually assaulting her numerous times over the course of an entire night i.e. good women, virtuous women don’t get raped. The weight of purity and the fall of mankind is chained around the ankles of women like a stone chained to a sixteenth century witch undergoing trial by water.

Is there hope? Right now, for me at least, it’s hard to feel. This Steubenville case has dredged up the painful, uncomfortable memories of my past, and forced me to face them again. It’s made me afraid for my daughter. It’s made me angry for every sexual assault victim I’ve ever known and worked with. It’s made me grateful for the feminists in my life, many of whom are men. But for me hope often comes from stories, and I’d like to revisit the story of Eve from a feminist perspective next week. In the meantime, that Rachel Held Evans quote at the top gives me a lot of hope. There’s a sense of movement in it as if it were sort of saying, “Okay. Well, we’ve got a lot of baggage here, but we’re not stagnant. There’s a lot of work to do. So, let’s get started right away, shall we?”

And so, at least symbolically, the blood of Eve courses through each one of her daughter’s veins. We are each associated with life; each subject to the impossible expectations and cruel projections of men; each fallen, blamed, and misunderstood; and each stubbornly vital to the process of bringing something new — perhaps something better — into this world.

In a sense, Tertullian was right. We are each an Eve. – Rachel Held Evans

We are each an Eve, and as such I think it’s time for women to thrust the crushing weight of sexual purity back onto mankind saying, “Here. Take responsibility for your own damn purity, I refuse to be defined by it anymore.”

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Merry Christmas From My Nut House To Yours

26 Dec

Trapped inside with your family for way past your expiration date? No worries, I give you this . . .

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Consider it a Christmas present from me to you. You’re welcome. (If you find it offensive, just have another glass of egg nog (don’t hold the nog), and you’ll start to warm up to it.)

It seems that Jesus got a little wild on his birthday. 2000ish years old is a big birthday to celebrate. That on top of the big victory over the Mayans . . . Who can blame him for having a little fun? You never know what that guy is going to get up to.

Anyway, Merry Christmas from my nut house to yours. And remember boys and girls, let’s keep the velociraptor in Christmas.

P.S. What is Santa drinking?

God Is With Us: A response to the Newtown shooting

19 Dec

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it. – John 1:1-5

Darkness . . . Advent begins in darkness, a time of waiting and yearning for something better. Waiting for light.

My dark Advent memories include holly berries and greenery adorning my grandmother’s casket, a macabre trip to the Christmas tree farm a day after my mother’s cancer diagnoses, and the Christmas morning my bipolar aunt overdosed on lithium. This year – December 2012 – it will be the memory of 20 children and 6 teachers gunned down in their school.

I was cushioned from the news of the Newtown school shooting over the weekend because I was out of town with some friends. I returned home to find social media abuzz with panicked, angry cries of “God has abandoned us” because of homosexuality, the absence of prayer in schools, abortion, the vanishing morals of our society and the list goes on. Ah, well as Brené Brown says, “Blame is a way to discharge pain and discomfort.”

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call him Emmanuel,” which means, “God is with us.” – Matthew 1: 23

I’ve seen a number of wonderfully eloquent responses from faith leaders saying, “No. No, God has not abandoned us, and God did not abandon those children or their teachers on December 14, 2012.” And I feel that it is important for me to add my voice to theirs. The God in whom I believe does not abandon, nor does God will the brutal murder of children and teachers. The living God of love and grace, whom I have encountered again and again in my life, is continually doing the creative work of redeeming the world to God-self. This creative God does not will destruction, but is at work in the world despite the forces of destruction. I believe that God’s will for us is always wholeness and human dignity, and that God calls us to be co-creators in God’s holy work.

There is perhaps no better evidence of this God of grace than the Christmas Story, because the Christmas Story is about a God of unfathomable love who chooses to become incarnate and live among us. This God chooses to become incarnate through a very specific person, in a very specific time and place. God chooses to become incarnate through an impoverished Jewish, teenager, living under unspeakable oppression in first century, Roman-occupied Palestine. But wait, there’s more! This God also chooses to be born in a barn amidst stench and shit. Then for birthday presents, this God, who shows up as a helpless infant, is given frankincense and myrrh – ointments used to prepare a body for burial. The shadow of the cross looms large over the manger scene. The gritty reality is far more macabre than what we depict in pageants and coloring pages.

And so I say, this is not a God who abandons. This is a God who has come to be Emmanuel, God is with us, in the midst of the suffering and shit of this world. This is a God who says, comfort the afflicted, and blessed are those who mourn. This is a God who invites us, not to blame and lash out at one another, but to be co-creators in God’s holy work of life and light. Advent starts in darkness, but then . . . Arise, shine; for your light has come, and there is work to do. There is holy, creative, redemptive work to do.

Other Good Responses to the Newtown Tragedy:

JOY to the World by Rev. Marci Auld Glass

God can’t be kept out by Rachel Held Evans

Our stories matter because we matter: thoughts on the power of our voices by Brené Brown

I’ll post more as I see them.

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